here we go again

Breathe.
Deep breath for sure.
I'm kind of chilled at the moment - but I was chilled last night at school so I put on my sweater - and well... I wore it home. Now I'm at school again, the air conditioning is blasting through the building like a sewer allowed to run rampid - and well I'm kind of cold.... and have no sweater :(.
It doesn't help that I also may have brought up pieces of my lunch into my mouth.... As the day goes I progessively get myself more and more upset.
I was actually good until after lunch today.
I met with Ashleigh and Danielle for lunch. Our usual little place. Danielle leaves at 2am and heads to Halifax Nova Scotia for Occupational Therapy. Although I'll attend her baseball game a little later tonight - that was the last time her and Ashleigh would see each other until possibly Christmas. However, that was also the last time I'll see Ashleigh for a bit too possibly - as well - I guess I'm moving to London tomorrow.
So that was the beginning of me getting upset today.
After lunch I brought 9, yes nine, copies of my thesis to grad studies to be bound. So 300 dollars later I'm yet another step closer to graduating. I also bought myself a Windsor sweater at the bookstore (yah, its ok to ask why I'm not wearing that sweater than if I'm so cold.... I don't have a good answer)... and the frame for my degree that I'll get in October, 7 days after my brother ties the knot.
The funny thing is I shouldn't be upset. I'm moving to London. I've lived in London before. I like London. I have family in London - and even some friends still in the area - and even better news Sharon moved back too - and is about to have another bundle of joy (to play with??). I even have mice in my current apartment in Windsor - so much so that the blow up bed that I have to sleep on, that lays upon the floor I refuse to use because it lays upon the floor - thus the last three nights I've slept in my lawn chair - and its not a lay-down long lawn chair type - its just a chair - so needless to say I haven't had much sleep lately.
But I'm so upset about it I want to cry - I haven't yet - but probably will - and have now puked in my mouth.,., gross I know. However, I moved to Windsor against the advice of a lot of people. I moved here knowing no one. I moved here not knowing if I could even manage a thesis - I am not a good writer - so how I pulled it off, I still do not know.
A lot has happened in my life since I have lived in Windsor. Several friends have died, my dad died, I've been on some vacations, I've met knew people and others drifted away a little, some friends got married, had kids, became engaged, some even divorced. I came to a city that was looked down upon by many when trying to decide which university to go to after high school... but now I love it. I is such a hidden gem - I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss walks by the water. I'm going to miss my favourite bars where I knew the majority of the employees. I'm going to miss my favourite places to eat. I'm going to miss having people stay at my house so I could drive them to the airport. I'm going to miss being able to just go to the states to shop or attend a sporting event. I'm going to miss my lab and my schoolmates. I know these are all things I can have elsewhere - I know that change isn't a bad thing - its just different and offers up so many possibilities - but I'm still not good at it.
There has been so much I've had to deal with this summer that this being the way it finishes just ... well I just wish it didn't all go by so quickly (except data collection... I'm glad parts of that is done!!!).
I'm sad... but I'll survive.
I'm also scared to pieces about starting a Ph.D. - seriously? seriously? I know a few people who started their Ph.D. while I attempted to finish my Masters - only one is still in the program. What makes me think I can do this?
I wish I had a vacation. time to just get away - and come back rested - clean. Instead I'm going in burnt out and emotionally a mess.
Fun times.
Breathe.
Just breathe.

Update

I know it has been a while - but I usually get yelled at if I don't have anything really nice to say.

But a lot has happened.

I went to Vegas and I presented my first international talk. Vegas was not what I was expecting - but the Grand Canyon was FANTASTIC. The Conference blew elephant toes.

The following week I defended my thesis. I passed. It was a horrible defense - not in the sense that it was hard - but in the sense that I barely got asked any questions - definitely nothing that was challenging or let me "show off" what I had learned over the process - but rather we discussed remarks that could have and should have been made at the proposal stage and not the defense. Even my mom was pissed off. To celebrate - my mom, nana and I went and played 18 holes of mini-golf. My Nana had never been before - so since I found that out about a year ago - I've wanted to take her - so we did - it was a blast and she even remarked "I'm not sure why I never did this sooner".

That weekend we (Jen and I) also put together a baby shower/BBQ for Sharon. Ok - we didn't put it together that weekend - but thats when it took place. I reccomend to anyone who is expecting that they do away with the traditional baby shower of just girls, silly games, etc... but go for the BBQ format - boys invited too! I personally enjoyed it more than another baby shower I've been too (sorry other baby showers).

The following week I was off to Ann Arbor Michigan for another International conference - this one I helped plan - this conference actually went VERY well.. and Ann Arbor was pretty cool. Got to spend one evening at the Henry Ford Museum - I reccomend anyone checking that out for a day trip! I can't wait to go back! There was so much to see - like the car JFK was in when he was shot... or the Chair A. Lincon was sitting in when he got shot... I even got to sit in the seat on the exact bus that Rosa Parks sat when she struck up a bunch of controversy and was arrested. So many more things to see too... just such a cool place!

Among all of these things I've also been doing data collection at the hospital. If you want to know more you can ask me personally - but I give you fair warning - you may start me on a venting session because there are a lot of things I'm not happy about regarding it all....

For the most part me and the mice have been living well together.... a few times they've had to run pretty fast to get out of my way - but now the more pressing issue with the apartment that I originally thought was a cute place to live (which really wasn't starting with high expectations - mould free was all I asked for)... is not so nice.... the bathroom ceiling has begun to show water damage - so much so that now the wall between the bathroom and the bedroom is probably ruined - good thing I move out soon.

Speaking of which - Greg and I have moved most of our stuff to London - yet neither of us is livign there! hahaha....(which also means at the moment while still dwelling in Windsor I have no bed - which just brings me even closer to the level of the mice!).... I think the apartment that we have in London is really cute - and I'm excited for people to come see.