here we go again

Breathe.
Deep breath for sure.
I'm kind of chilled at the moment - but I was chilled last night at school so I put on my sweater - and well... I wore it home. Now I'm at school again, the air conditioning is blasting through the building like a sewer allowed to run rampid - and well I'm kind of cold.... and have no sweater :(.
It doesn't help that I also may have brought up pieces of my lunch into my mouth.... As the day goes I progessively get myself more and more upset.
I was actually good until after lunch today.
I met with Ashleigh and Danielle for lunch. Our usual little place. Danielle leaves at 2am and heads to Halifax Nova Scotia for Occupational Therapy. Although I'll attend her baseball game a little later tonight - that was the last time her and Ashleigh would see each other until possibly Christmas. However, that was also the last time I'll see Ashleigh for a bit too possibly - as well - I guess I'm moving to London tomorrow.
So that was the beginning of me getting upset today.
After lunch I brought 9, yes nine, copies of my thesis to grad studies to be bound. So 300 dollars later I'm yet another step closer to graduating. I also bought myself a Windsor sweater at the bookstore (yah, its ok to ask why I'm not wearing that sweater than if I'm so cold.... I don't have a good answer)... and the frame for my degree that I'll get in October, 7 days after my brother ties the knot.
The funny thing is I shouldn't be upset. I'm moving to London. I've lived in London before. I like London. I have family in London - and even some friends still in the area - and even better news Sharon moved back too - and is about to have another bundle of joy (to play with??). I even have mice in my current apartment in Windsor - so much so that the blow up bed that I have to sleep on, that lays upon the floor I refuse to use because it lays upon the floor - thus the last three nights I've slept in my lawn chair - and its not a lay-down long lawn chair type - its just a chair - so needless to say I haven't had much sleep lately.
But I'm so upset about it I want to cry - I haven't yet - but probably will - and have now puked in my mouth.,., gross I know. However, I moved to Windsor against the advice of a lot of people. I moved here knowing no one. I moved here not knowing if I could even manage a thesis - I am not a good writer - so how I pulled it off, I still do not know.
A lot has happened in my life since I have lived in Windsor. Several friends have died, my dad died, I've been on some vacations, I've met knew people and others drifted away a little, some friends got married, had kids, became engaged, some even divorced. I came to a city that was looked down upon by many when trying to decide which university to go to after high school... but now I love it. I is such a hidden gem - I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss walks by the water. I'm going to miss my favourite bars where I knew the majority of the employees. I'm going to miss my favourite places to eat. I'm going to miss having people stay at my house so I could drive them to the airport. I'm going to miss being able to just go to the states to shop or attend a sporting event. I'm going to miss my lab and my schoolmates. I know these are all things I can have elsewhere - I know that change isn't a bad thing - its just different and offers up so many possibilities - but I'm still not good at it.
There has been so much I've had to deal with this summer that this being the way it finishes just ... well I just wish it didn't all go by so quickly (except data collection... I'm glad parts of that is done!!!).
I'm sad... but I'll survive.
I'm also scared to pieces about starting a Ph.D. - seriously? seriously? I know a few people who started their Ph.D. while I attempted to finish my Masters - only one is still in the program. What makes me think I can do this?
I wish I had a vacation. time to just get away - and come back rested - clean. Instead I'm going in burnt out and emotionally a mess.
Fun times.
Breathe.
Just breathe.