next halloween - incredible hulk.

Anger.

I realized today on the bus to school that I really am consumed with a lot of anger.

It was an odd revelation to have on the bus this morning.

Then, later in the day I was conversing with my friend Blake on the phone as I was returning home on the bus - the same topic came up.

So I realized I have a lot of anger right now. Not necessarily towards anyone in particular - but rather due to a lot of things that have happened in life.

Before I continue with my next thought - I'd like to make a note that I am very blessed in life. I am incredibly fortunate. I was raised by parents who loved me and taught me right from wrong. I have siblings that I have some good memories with, and whom have taught me to be a stronger person. I have the world's greatest friends. I have an education, clothes, food, a place to live, etc... I am very fortunate in life.

One of my "new years resolutions" was to have more fun in life.
Figuring out that I'm angry - probably means if I rid myself of anger maybe I can have more fun.
So - how do I get rid of my anger.
I don't know.
More importantly - do I want to rid myself of anger?
Well, yes.... but absolutely not.
Yes - for obvious reasons - people definitely prefer to be full of love and happy thoughts over anger.
Absolutely not - due to fear.
The thought occurred to me, that, if I some how manage to rid the anger in my life that I will be overwhelmed with how empty I'll feel and that the loneliness I already feel will multiply (if thats possible).

When conversing with Blake - he told me how it reminded him of this person who every time he releases his anger he grows in size, turns green and ruins clothing. Which he said was ok at first - but really - you should only have so many jean shorts in your wardrobe before it gets to be a problem... so thats not the way to go.

So in other words - I shouldn't be the incredible hulk - even if green is a pretty colour - and instead just keep bottling up my anger! hahahaha.