frustrated with myself

I hate soul searching.

hahaha.

I am just not a fan of change - but I do understand that some change is good.

This has been a truly difficult summer for me.

Unfortunately I've learned a lot about myself. Well, it shouldn't really be considered unfortunate, and it isn't really, but it just kind of sucks during the process.

I've learned I am a good person. But I don't have much of a spine.

If someone were to punch me in the face. I would get upset. But in expressing my anger or frustration to the puncher, I the punchee, would somehow manage to end up apologizing to the puncher for doing something to make them upset enough to want to punch me.

Yah doesn't make much sense eh?

Still having boy issues - and I want to walk away, I need to walk away. I thought I was doing a good job of it. There had been no communication for two weeks. I was regrouping. Then he contacted me. Asking if I would ever talk to him again or if he was just another lost cause, just another loser. That day I didn't have time to talk so the next day I asked him what his story was. He replied, no stories just romper room reruns..... ????? I was confused. Apparently it was a joke - which is fine - but it went right over my head - but then I got accused of losing my sense of humor. Whatever. Anyway - due to being busy he claimed he'd call later. He did. I was in bed. So although I was busy the next day I thought we left it with him contacting me on his lunch. During the afternoon that day I asked if he skipped his lunch break - apparently he didn't he just didn't contact me because he thought I was busy. I replied that I thought we had left it with him contacting me anyway - but oh well no big deal. He then replied that he doesn't want to fight or bicker with me, that he apparently can't seem to do anything right and that this is all just too hard.

???? What?

I wasn't picking a fight... nor trying to bicker. I wrote him that and said maybe tone or something is being lost in the text. He didn't reply.

I have stupidly called, because I'd like to try to have a normal conversation. He doesn't answer.

This is just stupid.

Are there any normal people out there? Because this is too frustrating. I needed to walk away - he came back (again).. I didn't want to get together with him, but I did want to talk, which I do have my reasons for but am not going to type here, and yet it still gets turned around on me. I didn't do anything. I didn't go mia. I wasn't the one treating someone like crap. I don't deserve this. Yet, I am the one hurt ....again.

this time I'm pretty sure that I'm just upset with myself. I don't know what is wrong with me.