Needing some strength....

They say that when the world hands you lemons.... you should make lemonade.

Sounds like a fantastic idea.

However, I'm allergic to lemons - so this may not be the best idea for me.

School is going ok. I was really really fortunate to be invited to lecture at a university in Toronto last week - and although I really had no idea what to expect, the experience was no less than awesome. the class interacted well (with me), the information came across well and I even got a lot of compliments afterwards - so I was really pleased.

Otherwise - I'm not really sure what to share. I'm really angry and upset and hurt.... and well if I didn't keep accepting projects at school to occupy my time then I'd be really really lonely. I miss my friends. Some days I figure I may as well be living in Windsor or a different country because even though I moved two hours at least closer to people, it doesn't really make much of a difference - everyone is busy, and it is completely understandable - but doesn't suck any less.

I'm also fed up with stupid a-hole boys. I can't wait for the day when a guy that I'm intrigued by is not also intrigued by me, but is also aware of just how awesome I am and not going to let me "get away". Its funny - so I'm accepting that the guy who has my attention lately really is being a jerk, although I've been trying to convince myself otherwise... but also this week a few ex-boyfriends have randomly contacted me... I did a little investigating and found out that most of them just got dumped by their most recent girlfriends... sorry guys - I'm not the answer.

Then there is the topic of my mother. I'm flipping angry. So angry I'm pretty sure my blood is close to a boiling point.

But - I realize that my mom isn't going to wake up and smell the coffee.. mainly because every day when she has a coffee buddyboi is sitting across the table from her... but she just doesn't understand how her three children are so very hurt and angry... she actually doesn't even care. I regretfully asked her. Anyway - a while ago I learned that I never have to accept her relationship, I never have to like it, I just have to deal with it.... so I'm trying so very hard to take the words of wisdom from McCartney maybe.... and just "let it be"..... because right now it is absolutely destroying me.... literally.

I know the answer is probably never..... but when does life get easier? I'm sick of the bullcrap - I really could use a break - someone please throw me a bone.... sad thing is I don't really have any reason to complain - I know there are people out there with far worse problems than mine - pray for those people because I just don't know how they manage to survive.