sometimes it sucks being right

Approximately two years ago I noticed something that scared me to the bottom pits of my existence.

My aunt, one of my dad's sisters, was exhibiting some of the same characteristics my dad did when his journey of "trying times" began.

At first I didn't say anything because I thought maybe it was a bad day she was having.

Well - then I noticed it almost each time I saw her after that first spotting.

Shortly after I told my mom.

I asked her to see if she noticed anything the next time she saw her.

It took her a few times to state that there was a possibility there was something there.

Well - a year went by and it wasn't getting any better.

I ended up having a class with the wife of one of my cousins (child of the aunt in question). One day it actually came up in a conversation between her and I and we discussed it at some length and about what to do - who to approach.

I eventually wrote my female cousin (daughter of the aunt) and broached the subject.

She didn't reply until I saw her in person.

She acknowledge receipt of the email.... and that she saw where I was coming from - and that she could possibly see some of the things I was talking about.

I got the info today. My aunt has been put on medications and has more tests lined up for the next few coming weeks.

My cousin told me she's just losing her memory to the point its quite noticeable.

FUCK.

CRAP.

SHITHOLE.

I can't do this. Well I don't have to do anything I suppose....

I called my mom upset.

My mom told me that there isn't anything I can do and that I just have to be strong for the family.

WTF?

My mom, the mom that I really miss, use to be compassionate. I get that this is touchy subject. But your daughter just called you in tears, crying... just upset. I just wanted to hear my mom say she loved me, that this was crap - but that ... I just don't know. Then she was just silent. Like seriously mom - It kills me that my mom is acting like some stranger....

so now Im just twice as upset as I was.

I feel like my life is spiraling a bit out of control.

but I shouldn't complain. I am very lucky and fortunate in life and I hate complaining or sounding downtrodden when really life isn't all that bad and could be a lot worse.

But I miss my friends. My family seems so foreign to me... and school.. I'm just lost.

I think I need a vacation. hahaha... that isn't the answer - not at all - but I'd just love to escape reality for a while - get a deep breath and maybe a glimmer of what happiness is... because I'm starting to forget.