As my mom likes to say "the anxiety of my birthday" is over. My birthday hasn't even come yet - but for arguments sake its been celebrated. It was done at a restaurant - a public place - so I could not get angered or upset. I was actually pretty good about it. I don't mind celebrating my brithday - the intent was not to ignore it completely, there are just so many other things happening this sunday that I didn't want nor need any extra attention....for more reasons then just one. A huge reason though is my sister.
My sister, in her good old fashion style that is but her own - still was able to take the focus off of me and on to her. She had pictures of herself with the staff at the restaurant we were at last night - people she had never met before....people who I had previously met and were the reason we went to that particular restaurant in the first place. At my house, my friend had to bring something for her too so she wouldn't feel left out.... all day today its just been me, my mom and my sister and for cripes sake we talk about me for half a second and my sister starts in about her... focus on her.
So imagine if you will, a morning spent with my mom's family, and evening spent with ym dad's family, in which it is all about giving thanks, and being with family, and it just so happens to be my birthday so I may get an extra card or hug here or there, or an extra telephone call - who is going to freak out and have an attention attack - my sister. Even though my birthday is "out of the way" now - its still going to happen.
Last night the conversation of weddings came up and my sister said there are two weddings she is going to be a bridesmaid at - my brothers and mine - to which I jokingly said that I actually wanted Laura to be my flower girl - she said no - that wasn't going to happen, she is going to be my bridesmaid because that way she can give a speech in front of everyone, so she can have some of the attention too - because its her special day as her sister (or brother) is getting married.
I get that maybe she doesn't know better and you think I'm being harsh - but the thing is my sister isn't stupid - she's really smart and she knows how to push people's buttons to get the attention - or whatever else it is she wants.... she asks my mom if she did anything wrong - and my mom said no - of course not. Well I disagree - because that in my sister's mind is just premission to keep doing what she always does. Pardon me for being immature with this maybe - I can only take so much of it! This a prime reason why my birthdays in the past were horrible - because my sister would get the attention, I'd say something and then I would get a slap across the head, get told I was just a greedy spoiled girl who should know better so maybe I shouldn't have a birthday at all if I'm going to act that way.... yelled at some more and then sent to my room.
So forgive me for not wanting to acknowledge my birthday this weekend - its a prime time for everyone to pay attention to my sister, which is fine - I don't care... but I don't want it to be because she feels she needs to take it away from me - I'm fine... I know who my family and friends are, I know they love and care for me - I don't need a special day - and even moreso I don't need that take overshadowed and taken away by my sister who "just doesn't know any better".
Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to Lesley. Happy birthday to anyone else born on the 8th of October. Happy birthday to everyone - because you know what I'm glad you're alive, I'm glad your parents came together to bring you into this world - I'm glad you are you, I'm glad you are alive - and for those in my life, I'm glad you are in my life.