lost.... but not on an island

Its St. Patrick's Day.

I wore green.  A green shirt.  Its actually a really nice green shirt - I think some of my friends would be impressed with me.

I had a 12+ hour day today - I'm tired.

I just ate some pizza that I ordered and barely through the neck of a bottle of beer that I opened an hour ago.

I'm tired, my tummy hurts (my own fault)... and I don't know if these are factors as to why I just feel horrible - that I want to crumble... and possibly cry.

I had a very up and down weekend.  I was at a conference.  Some moments were great - and others made me want to hide under a rock - or was left trying to figure out how on earth someone let me into a Ph.D. program..... and what my reasons for continuing are.

there are a lot of drunk people screaming outside of my door.  I saw a lot of drunk people on campus today too.  Not surprising.  I'm actually impressed I cracked open a beer... a little disappointed but not surprised that I've barely touched it.

You know when you get "bad" news its feels like someone punched you in the stomach.  I feel like that right now.

I can't even say I have 100% justification for it.  I did read something that took me by surprise - I could take it in a positive light -- however, I'm leaning more the other way and thinking that its just not something I saw coming -- but then again I think I may have... and have just been coming up with other reasons to be the logical explanation -- I know that makes no sense - you'll just have to trust me.

I'm very happy for the people/friends I've met since moving back to London - but I have to be honest - I'm really missing me good/close friends.  I want to say that I just want to go out and party and have a good time - but I think a much larger part of me just wants to curl up on a couch beside them and bawl my eyes out.

Oh well - I'm sure that this is just a down part on the rollercoaster - in the next day or two I'll cheer up - things will appear back on track..... for now - i'll just focus on school work and pray that the other things in my life - that I long for work out.